Year End Round Up

It's almost 31 December, which means it's time for LISTS. Lots of lists. I'll be doing a few as we lead up to 2010, starting with this one:

The Ten Best Television Shows of 2009*

10. V - ABC's remake of the '80s alien miniseries has got a great cast, cool effects, and tight, exciting scripts. It only aired a handful of episodes in the fall '09 season, but I'm excited for its return next spring.

9. Dexter - After flagging a bit for the past few seasons, Dexter has really picked up the pace with what has been arguably its strongest season. John Lithgow has been surprisingly, insanely good. The finale promises to be some finely crafted television.

8. Sons of Anarchy - FX has consistently hit it out of the park with this gritty drama. They've become quite the cable powerhouse, and Sons may be their new flagship drama.

7. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Rarely does a comedy manage so many hit episodes, with only one or two duds per season. Sunny consistently delivers madcap humor, taken to its most uncomfortable extremes. Bonus points for the totally insane straight-to-DVD holiday special.

6. LOST - The fifth season of the hit mystery/drama flagged a bit in the middle, spending too much time in a past that didn't seem relevant to the show's overall direction. It opened strong, though, and ended even stronger. With the finale introducing what appears to be a major reboot for the show (and doing so in awesome, highly dramatic fashion), the sixth and final season looks extremely promising.

5. Curb Your Enthusiasm - Larry David's HBO show was in huge danger of getting redundant and unenjoyable. Thankfully, the Seinfeld reunion this season injected new energy into the comedy, providing possibly the most entertaining Curb yet, made even better by a very satisfying resolution for the Seinfeld gang.

4. Modern Family - ABC's sitcom is genuinely funny, has had some phenomenal A-List guest stars, and totally breaks free from most of the shlock that passes for sitcoms today. Very funny, and well worth watching every week.

3. Glee - FOX's runaway musical hit is often inconsistent, and suffers many of Murphy's trademarks storytelling issues (most of which previously reared their heads on Nip/Tuck). But it's also a hell of a lot of fun, and that goes a long way. Plus, Jane Lynch has served up Emmy-caliber work with Sue Sylvester, and the songs each week are must-download hits.

2. Weeds - Weeds nearly got off track at the beginning of this season, but quickly grew into its own again, building to a finale that has finally forced Nancy to take a step back and consider where her life was gone. Showrunner Jenji Kohan has finally shed some light on who Nancy is and why she acts so crazy all the time. Hopefully the sixth season will continue the trend, but as for the fifth, it became a surprisingly engaging, dramatic season.

1. Friday Night Lights - I constantly harp about this show and how no one watches it, but everyone should. This fourth season has been absolutely astounding in quality. The show has survived a major shake-up of the core cast, not only maintaining its identity but also introducing genuinely interesting new core characters. This season features the best episode of the entire series ("The Son," from 4 December), and continues to showcase the many talents of Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler, as well as all their younger costars. There is no better drama on television, nor has there ever been. It remains exclusive to DirecTV, but returns to NBC for their spring schedule. I highly encourage anyone with a passing interest in television drama to watch.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The latest Potter installment is also the best, though it doesn't really have any right to be. To explain, it's best to go through a little bit of nerd-talk. Also, there are spoilers for the next films. If you're the type that hasn't read the books and has miraculously managed to remain ignorant of the finale's plot details, I suggest you skim through at your risk. There are also spoilers for the movie, but, duh.

Around the time that Steve Kloves began working on the screenplay for Chamber of Secrets, the second film in the series, he and author J.K. Rowling decided that the films would tell the Potter stories strictly from Harry's (Dan Radcliffe) point of view. As Harry is the protagonist of the books, it was at the time a completely reasonable decision from an adapter's point of view, and was probably the best avenue to distill the increasingly gargantuan books into 2 and a half hour films.

Until you get to book 6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the novel, is the only Potter novel that is NOT about Harry. Book 6 is about Voldemort and Snape, and Harry does very little himself other than listen to Dumbledore, and learn about Voldemort. What this means is that MOVIE 6 becomes the point where the films completely and absolutely part ways with the books. And so we have a situation where the movie has the same plot, and the same things happen, and yet it's telling a totally different story than the novel.

It's not a bad story, by any means. In fact it's quite good. Director David Yates and returning writer Kloves successfully, and I daresay artfully, create a world of impending doom, with a tangible sense of fear, without even having Voldemort appear in the film at all. The only difference is, the story is from Harry's point of view. We see him and his friends deal with this changing world. This results in new scenes (including the much maligned Burning of the Burrow, and the drastically altered finale), all of which I totally approve of. For the first time, the movies are a different monster from the books, and I think that given the game plan, this is the best way to approach this film.

*SPOILERS FOR MOVIES 7/8 IN THIS PARAGRAPH*

That isn't to say that I don't have issues. Being familiar with the books, I worry that this film has dropped several important details that I can't reconcile with the next two films, try as I might. But in the end, those quibbles affect the next two films, and not this one. THIS film features spectacular acting from all around (though Emma Watson's Hermione continues to be the weak link, as Radcliffe and Rupert Grint's Ron continue to grow leaps and bounds past her as actors). As for the usual stable of Britain's finest, Michael Gambon as Dumbledore finds himself the true star of the movie, more than aptly filling Richard Harris' admittedly large shoes. I've truly enjoyed his take on Dumbledore, and given an actual arc here, he has been nothing short of delightful, and I can't wait to see his return in the final installment.

*NO MORE SPOILERS*

That said, I am disappointed that Alan Rickman wasn't given the chance to shine as Snape truly becomes the villain of the piece, as he was relegated to a few (key, meaty, to be sure) scenes throughout. I assume, however, that the next films will have considerably more of this new, evil Snape. And I can never praise enough Helena Bonham Carter's delightfully insane Bellatrix Lestrange. This is a character I cannot get enough of, and I am extremely happy to see her role continue to be expanded from the books.

Most of all, though, this feels like a very mature Potter film. It is dark, and it is grown up, and it forces its main characters, as well of its audience, to be the same. I can only applaud everyone involved for not shying away from the core of Rowling's stories, which take you to very dark places indeed before assuring you that everything will be alright, in the end. Color me a big fan of this one.

A-

District 9

I can't really bring myself to continue reviewing bad movies, so I'll continue along with District 9 before doing Brüno and Public Enemies (which wasn't so much bad as it was not very good).

District 9 is a very, very hyped up movie. It has been hyped up since before it was even District 9 (the film began life as the highly awaited Halo adaptation, but video game developers Microsoft and Bungie couldn't get on the same page with the studio, hence District 9). And it does, in fact, live up to the hype. District 9 is a perfectly excellent sci-fi actioner, and I have no complaints.

Well, except for one. This movie was hyped as SO DIFFERENT. This movie will BLOW YOUR MIND. "Unconventional" was tossed around a lot. And the first act or so does. The movie is a rather stunning apartheid allegory with creepy aliens who are still somewhat sympathetic, and it really works on that level, and it's very unlike anything we've really seen in cinema. And then in the third act, it turns into a run-of-the-mill shoot-'em-up. Like, seriously. The entire third act is main character Wikus and his alien companion Christopher sneaking into a lab, and then shooting their way out, and then the movie is over, just barely returning to some semblance of drama at the ending (about which, the ending is very sentimental, and I like it, but it really doesn't feel like the same movie as the beginning).

Let's talk again about the first act, as it was my favorite part of the movie. The film opens with Wikus (played to perfection by Sharlto Copley, who should get SO MANY ROLES after this film) recording some kind of office home video for the MNU, who are in charge of quarantining the aliens. This is juxtaposed with documentary footage that takes place, chronologically, after the film's conclusion. The horrific images of abuse of these aliens in District 9, juxtaposed with goofball, Michael Scott-esque Wikus, is truly unsettling, and creates a dichotomy that continues through much of the movie.

I don't want to say the film gets bad at any point, because it really doesn't. And I'm a sucker for sentiment, so the ending doesn't bother me, and clearly this movie has something to say. I mostly just am let down by the lagging third act, which degenerates an otherwise sublime film into the merely average. It does the job better than most other sci-fi films, but I had hoped that District 9 would be something more for the entire running time, and not just the first 2/3rds.

B+

G.I. Joe Is the Best Movie Ever (Sort Of)

So I'm gonna start the backlog with the most recent, and then work my way back. And what a difficult film to talk about here. Movies like G.I. Joe often make me doubt the effectiveness of a letter grading system, or, really, any kind of ranking system at all, when it comes to movies. Let's face it, G.I. Joe sucks. It is truly terrible, in just about every way that a movie can be terrible. The acting is poor, the writing doesn't make sense, it's got literally every single action cliché you can imagine.

But I LOVED it. I honestly don't think I've had more fun at a movie this summer than I did at this one. It is, in every way, what happens when you put a bunch G.I. Joe toys on the big screen, running solely on spectacle and nostalgia and not losing a bit of steam right through to the cliffhanger, sequel-guaranteed ending. If I had my druthers, I'd give the thing an A+ and get on with my life.

Now, clearly I can't in good conscious do that, because that would imply that G.I. Joe is better than several movies I've reviewed this year, and just as good as "Up" was, and neither of those things is true, by any stretch of the imagination. But you'd better believe that I enjoyed this movie more than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, like a lot, largely because G.I. Joe didn't make me want to stab my eyes out every 15 minutes. In fact, I would happily watch G.I. Joe again, and I wouldn't even feel like I wasted my 10 dollars. The movie is fun, pure and simple, and anyone expecting anything more is clueless about what G.I. Joe is actually supposed to be (and those same people probably think Transformers is worth watching, which is just not true).

You know what? Fuck it.

A+

Why I'm Reading X-FACTOR (And You Should Be, Too)

Before we even get into it, those reviews of Public Enemies, Brüno, and Harry Potter 6 are coming up soon.

Chances are, you're at least a passing fan of the X-Men franchise. You watched the cartoon as a kid, saw the movies, played the games, or whatever. But, more than likely, you haven't read the comic (for starters, the majority of them aren't very good). It's even less likely that you've been reading X-Factor, an often relaunched satellite series that stars eight or nine mutants you've never even heard of. So why should the adventures of Madrox, Layla Miller, Monet, Guido, Darwin, Rictor, Shatterstar, Siryn, and Longshot be of any interest to you? Two words: Peter. David.

Peter David writes these characters, and this story, in an unbelievably perfect, jaw-dropping way. The story is at once excitingly fanciful and refreshingly down to earth. It's 46 issues in, which is a little more than three years worth of stories, and it hasn't gotten old yet. I highly recommend tracking down every single issue.

Need more convincing? Here's why I'm reading: David has made comics history by writing the first on-panel gay kiss in a Marvel Comic (possibly in any mainstream comic, though I'm not sure on that one) between Rictor and Shatterstar, who've been the "are-they-or-aren't-they?" pairing of Marvel Comics for a good 10 years now, if not more. And he's treating with zero fanfare at all, developing a completely organic relationship like any of Marvel's myriad straight couplings.

So, pick it up. You won't regret it.

On a positive note...

There was one thing that was awesome about Transformers, and that was the trailer for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It's awesome, and it's here.

I think the key thing about this movie is that, now that the books have finished and J.K. Rowling doesn't have to be so damn secretive about everything, the films have a clear sense of direction. With the same director and writer signed for the next two as well as this one, I think we might finally have a sense of these movies being one continuous story, instead of seeming strange, slightly off adaptations of far superior books. I'm looking forward to this one.

Summer Movies, Part Six

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Whenever I watch a Michael Bay movie, I go in with a certain set of expectations. After all, no one, including Bay himself, is pretending that we're dealing with high art, here. Quite the contrary. As a result, it's difficult for me to write this review, which is heading to very negative places very shortly, without feeling slightly morally compromised, for lack of a better word. How am I supposed to rip apart a movie that met my every expectation (even if that expectation was that this movie would be shit)?

There are poop, pee, fart and sex jokes. Megan Fox runs in slo-mo and screams "SAM!" a lot. A crotchety old Transformer talks like Vinnie Jones and uses a cane to walk. There are some gangsta robots. I could go on, but suffice it to say that all of the old Michael Bay tropes are present and accounted for.

The movie also suffers from all the same flaws as the first. Not only is there not nearly enough focus on the Transformers, but the ones we do see get no personalities. There is entirely too much time spent with human characters in this movie, to the point that the robots often seem an afterthought.

So, yeah. All of that makes this movie as dull and mediocre as the first, and as all of Bay's other movies. Fine. Normally, I would give it a C and move along. However...

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN IS THREE FUCKING HOURS LONG. I exaggerate only slightly (the movie clocks at 2 hours and forty-five minutes), and believe me when I say that it is at least an hour too long. This movie is actually painful to sit through. There is barely enough to hold my interest for ninety minutes. What this film asks for is entirely too much. I am comfortable in saying that Transformers is the worst movie I have seen, or will see, this summer, without exception. It's action sequences are too few and far between to redeem the remainder of the film, which is entirely cheap jokes and weak writing. At least Wolverine was decent enough to have a talented cast and a reasonable run time.

F

Dorm Life (The Best Thing EVER)

Thanks to the wonderful people at Television Without Pity, the equally wonderful web series Dorm Life came to my attention today. You guys, this show is SO good! The episodes run from 5-11ish minutes a piece, and while it's slightly exaggerated, it's such a good portrayal of college life, it's creepy. If you're a fan of Greek (or, strangely, Friday Night Lights), you'll love this. It's funny and heartwarming/breaking all at the same time. Big thumbs up for this one.

More on Weeds

The past two episodes of Weeds seemed like they were from entirely different shows. "Machetes on Top" ended with Nancy actively attempting to kill her unborn baby in just about every way you can imagine, from eating fish to pointing a gun at her uterus. Then, to top it all off, her attempts to seduce Esteban, the man who wants her dead, end with him turning the tables on her and ACTUALLY RAPING HER.

On the other hand, this week's "Su-Su-Sucio" was very very funny. This is partially because of the wonderful Jennifer Jason Leigh. It is also because, although the threat of Esteban was still present, it was played for dark comedy (well, okay, until the very end). Recently this show has lost the funny, so hopefully this new episode is a sign of good things to come. The main point of this post being, if you've given up on Weeds (like I almost did), give it one last chance.

Summer Movies, Part Five

Terminator Salvation

I expected to be done professionally with this franchise following this latest installment, and so I was pleasantly surprised to find myself actually enjoying the movie. While it's certainly not groundbreaking by any means, McG has created with "Salvation" a functional, entertaining action flick worthy of the Terminator name, a movie at least as entertaining as the franchise's first two entries (and far more fun to watch than the dismal "Terminator 3").

The movie isn't without its flaws. While Anton Yelchin will forever be the most adorable thing in all of Hollywood, there are times when Kyle Reese needs to be, y'know, not this cute kid, and Yelchin sometimes is laughably out of place in the role (though more often than not he's actually quite endearing). Christian Bale seemed mostly bored by the film; Bruce Wayne this is not. Bryce Howard barely has anything to do. By far the star of the film is Sam Worthington as Marcus. Though I question the abilities of his dialect coach, since his accent is all over the place throughout the film, Worthington proves a charismatic male lead, and I hope he gets more roles in the future, because on the strength of this, he deserves them. And in a small role, Helena Bonham Carter is as wonderful as always.

All in all, a surprisingly good summer film, certainly better than Wolverine. The plot doesn't make too much sense, it's got more holes than Swiss cheese, but still, to turn off your brain and enjoy some decent action performances, this is one to see...if you've already seen Star Trek, anyway.

B-

Fall TV Preview: Weeds

Breaking the rules a bit.

Weeds (Showtime)
Monday, 10PM

Technically "Weeds" is a summer show, but I like it, so we'll talk about it. It just premiered last night with a pretty lackluster episode that was mostly set up. Hopefully the rest of the season is a bit better, since there is at least a sixth season on the way as well. The biggest hurdle creator Jenji Kohan will need to overcome is the overwhelming dark nature of the show recently. White lady is having a time, and I don't know that Nancy can deal with much more grief in her life; currently elder son Silas hates her and is running away to Mexico, younger son Shane hates her and is off to live with his aunt (plus deals pot on the side), brother in law Andy is in love with her but hates her for being pregnant...and of course, the Tijuana mafia wants her dead. White lady is having a time, indeed.

Forecast: Clear skies, since the series order is already in, but this show needs to find a way to bring the funny again or else risk alienating a significant portion of its audience.

Summer Movies, Parts Two, Three and Four

Continuing right along...

At one point in "The Hangover," beleaguered groom-to-be Doug admonishes his future brother-in-law with the phrase, "Not funny". I couldn't agree more. "The Hangover," among many other things, is largely not funny. It's certainly a letdown from Todd Phillips, whose "Old School" follow-up really should have been better than this.

Zach Galifianakis is a lone highlight in this otherwise rote, by the numbers buddy comedy, so if nothing else, this movie should launch a promising career for him. The rest of the cast is underwhelming at best, and downright unlikable at worst. At the complete opposite end of the spectrum from Galifianakis is Bradley Cooper, whose character is so thoroughly despicable from beginning to end that I can't even be bothered to remember the name. There's nothing funny about him; he's just a dickhead, and he remains unchanged by any of the events of the film.

Good comedies should try to have a heart at the center too. "Old School" did this. Same for "Superbad," hell, even "Step Brothers" had some kind of emotion at its core. This film lacks any heart at all. The hugest insult, however, is in the ending credits, which are set to a montage of honest-to-goodness, laugh-out-loud pictures from the actual bachelor party, which owing to the film's plot none of the characters can remember. Each photo is funnier than the last, and I left the theater wondering why those hadn't formed the story of the movie. At least that film would have been funny.

Anyway, on to better things. First up is Up, Pixar's latest offering. Needless to say, the film is quality, but quite another thing entirely is how eerily close this film comes to the sublime. It's still too soon for me to tell for sure, but based solely on one viewing, as opposed to two or three of "WALL-E," I will venture that "Up" is Pixar's best film to date. From the opening montage detailing Carl's romance with his wife Ellie, who dies before the main plot begins, to the very end, where Carl fills the void left in Russell's life by the young boy's good-for-nothing dad, "Up" is sheer joy, tugging at your heartstrings and ultimately making you feel good about life, the human experience, and yourself. Twice in this film I found myself crying, once because the film was legitimately sad, and once because I was so overwhelmed with happiness (not to be confused with sentiment; the film is never cheesy). It is unbelievable how good this movie is, and the next film notwithstanding, I think I'll crown this one the best film of the summer. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Pixar went for two in a row; like "WALL-E" last year, "Up" may very well be the best film of 2009.

Finally we come to the juggernaut. Yes, folks, Star Trek is every bit as good as you've heard. JJ Abrams and crew have distilled everything that has made the franchise work into the perfect starting point for a new series of movies. The film has heart, it's entertaining, the action is satisfying; simply put, "Star Trek" is textbook on how to make a summer blockbuster. Is it a great film, as those things go? Certainly not. It lacks the literary merit of even it's television sibling "LOST," but hell if it isn't an incredibly satisfying movie. No one understood better than Gene Roddenberry that more than anything else, these things are meant to be an escape from reality. It's good to see that JJ Abrams is carrying the torch so well.

The Hangover: D
Up: A+
Star Trek: A-

Summer Movies, Part One: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

So I really wanted to like this movie and for a hot minute I thought I did, but really I only liked Gambit and Sabretooth and what little of Deadpool we got, and the rest of it? Really, really sucked. Like this shit is BAD. The plot makes zero sense and on top of that it fails to take advantage of the vast backstory that the comics have established for Wolverine. Characters are literally mutilated; don't get me started on Deadpool and what they did to him, or how Emma Frost is somehow Silverfox's sister, or how Silverfox isn't even Silverfox to begin with. Why is Mystique not in this movie? Could the Blob be shittier?

On the plus side, Taylor Kitsch is perfect as Gambit, and Liev Schreiber is equally excellent as Sabretooth. And Ryan Reynolds shines for five minutes as Wade Wilson, so hopefully that spin off will work. But they all amount to a very small amount of saving grace for a movie that needed so much more. This shit is shitty.

Bottom line: Don't see this movie.

D+

Fall TV Preview: Explanations

I should probably go into more depth on how I'm doing the preview thing. Every day or so I'll about one or two shows that I feel like talking about (I'm not covering everything. There's too much shit on TV). And after like a blurb or something I'll have a forecast of how I think the show will do, which is as follows:

Clear Skies: no problems. Should be a great success.
Partly Cloudy: shouldn't be cancelled, but it's risky.
Cloudy: It'll make it to mid-season, at least.
Scattered Showers: Expect some time-slot changes, soon.
Thunderstorms: This is getting yanked fast.

Obviously, for shows that aren't out yet, that's very subjective based on if I think it's a good idea. And for returning shows, well, whether I hate it or not, we've already got a good idea how they're performing. So that's that, and stay tuned for more previews.

Fall TV Preview: Glee

Glee (FOX)
Wednesday, 9PM

So Glee is awesome, as I mentioned yesterday. It's from Ryan Murphy, who is the creator of both Popular and Nip/Tuck, which, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see which direction this show leans. It's also got bits of High School Musical, except with actual talent, because apparently a number of the cast have done Broadway, but even without knowing that, these kids are freaking good at singing. Also, Jane Lynch is as always phenomenal. Sadly, she's leaving Party Down, but it's to do Glee, so OK, I'm fine with that.

I know what the initial reaction to this show tends to be, which is that my god, that looks awful. Because this show is full of singing, and optimism, and it's generally just a lot of fluff to make you feel good about yourself. But it is wonderful. The pilot aired on Tuesday this week, but the season itself isn't debuting until the fall, which is both an excellent marketing strategy and also practically asking for the plan to backfire. It's a real gamble, and hopefully it pays off, because FOX has no problem axing expensive shows with little to no warning.

In the meantime, you can watch the pilot on Hulu, you can download it (I believe for free) on iTunes, or you can otherwise acquire it, not that I condone that. (But this might help.) You can also download tracks from the pilot on iTunes (in this case, it's Glee club renditions of Rehab, which is kind of cool, and Don't Stop Believin', which is the best thing you will ever hear). So even if you don't like musicals so much, just watch this show in the fall. I guarantee you will find something to like, and hopefully the rest of America does, too.

Forecast: Clear Skies

American Idol, AKA WTF, AKA Just Kidding, Of Course

I don't watch American Idol. In point of fact, I kind of hate it, only because it is so shallow and vapid and it's basically a competition where you are deciding which shelf-ready, mass-market product is better than any other product of the same variety. The show is so much more a marketing competition than any kind of talent show, it's really gross. So it was semi-refreshing, at least to me, to one see ridiculously homo Adam Lambert make it so far in this competition and actually pretty much be the favorite to win, and also to see him interviewed about making out with dudes in some pictures and being like, "yeah, I did that," mainly because we've come so far from ridiculously homo Clay Aiken simply insisting that he, in fact, liked vagina (obviously, he doesn't, but it shouldn't have taken 6 years for him to admit that).

The nice thing about Adam (and ultimately, the reason he lost, not that winning this thing matters) is that he didn't make a big deal about being gay (or whatever he is). He didn't outright say, yea, you got me, I'm gay. He basically said fuck off, it's irrelevant. Which is perfect, in so many ways, because it's absolutely right, but also, not outright denying your sexuality, while pictures of you making out with dudes are freely available and you also show up on stage every week not really making it all that ambiguous that you are at least a little gay, well, that pretty much translates to you being the gayest gay who ever gayed on American Idol, Ryan Seacrest notwithstanding. And when you are up against Kris Allen, who is simply everything America has ever loved, and is also hot and likes girls, well, that means you lose.

I would love to think that with like 5 out of 50 states (which I think is 10 percent but I've never been good at math) allowing gay marriage now, and one even through vote instead of legislation (which, also, yay progress, but that is a fucking sad statistic), with all of that I would love to think that America has changed and accepts the gays and whatever, and in a lot of ways I think it actually has. But American Idol is not and has never been a reflection of American society, at least not today's society. American Idol is not about packaging this edgy gay rocker who dresses like girls and will kiss your teenage son while he's experimenting at UCLA (which is the secret fear of all the stupid middle-aged moms who were also shrieking "ADAM YOU"RE SO HOT OMG!" at the top of their lungs every Tuesday and Wednesday night). American Idol is about taking short, adorable little Kris and putting him on the same, safe level as like, Celine Dion. In fact, that whole last episode was like a metaphorical showdown between Cyndi Lauper and Celine Dion, respectively. Both of those women sing complete rubbish pop, but Cyndi Lauper does it while dressed as a fag hag and being completely wonderful and crass, and everything else, and Celine Dion does it in Las Vegas where the same people that watch CBS can enjoy her while remaining strictly under the two drink minimum.

So it's not so much that I'm saying Kris winning was a conspiracy against the gays (quite the opposite, as Kris is some eye candy and now he'll be pseudo famous and even bisexual me has no problem with seeing his face a couple of places), because it wasn't, so much as it was Adam was never going to win this show, because he's just not what this show is about, and everyone knows it. He knew it. And again, winning is just plain not the point; the point is Adam has been the talk of the country for like half a year, and he's also on the inside cover of The Advocate, and no one gives a shit (in the good way).

Time Flies

Wow, been away more than a month. I doubt anyone's missed it.

At any rate, I do want to keep writing at least somewhat periodically this summer, so expect semi-frequent updates. First priority is a Fall TV Preview (yes, I know it's just May, but the networks have all announced their fall line ups, so this is the time to do that sort of thing). And I'll probably lump some summer series in there too, just because I like several of those.

First show, because it's fresh on my mind and I also LOVE it, will be Glee (FOX), which I'll talk about tomorrow slash later tonight. Working at a movie theatre, I'm sure I'll also be talking about the summer movie fare; first movie up is X-Men: Origins - Wolverine (20th Century Fox) (and my god, what a title), which will also be discussed at some future time that isn't now.

We're also a bit behind on LOST, but in my defense, it's not like a whole hell of a lot actually HAPPENED on that show this season, if it was still quite good. Season 5 was largely set up for season six (though, typical of Lost, I have no fucking clue what the next season will be like, at all). So I'll wrap up Season 5 in a future post, too.

I also feel like I should talk about things that aren't TV and/or movies, and so whenever I do get around to finishing it, I'll talk a bit about Roberto Bolaño's novel 2666, which I'm about 10 pages into (out of damn near 900). That may be the only book we get to this summer.

I feel like that's quite enough to be getting on with now (while simultaneously saying absolutely nothing), so I'll end the post there. Hopefully this will pick up some readers at some point, too.

Slumdog Millionaire on DVD and Blu-Ray

Buy this movie!

No, but seriously, Slumdog Millionaire was hands down the finest film of 2008. A touching story that actually has a happy ending, which is such a rarity not just for Oscar-winners, but films in general. Is it tacky and unbelievable? Absolutely. But does it ring true emotionally? You'd better believe it. It's the feel-good movie of the year, and this is the first time that I don't mean that as an insult. Slumdog is quality: direction, writing, acting, scoring, everything. This is what you go to the movies for.

A+

Buy it from Amazon

Infinity Blues

If you're a fan of poetry, Ryan Adams, music, being depressed, or the English language, you need to go to your local bookstore and buy Ryan Adams' book Infinity Blues because it is wonderful. You won't regret the purchase at all, even if you're normally not into poetry (like me).

Buy it on Amazon

LOST, Season Five, Episode Eleven: "Whatever Happened, Happened"

As always, spoilers follow.

Fuck you, show.

I have been on board with this time travel business from the get go. Tonight? They lost me. Richard Alpert magically heals Ben, with the only side effect being that he will "forget everything that has happened" and will "never be the same". So the explanation for him not remembering the Losties? Magic.

Fuck you, show.

F

PS: I loved everything else about this episode. But that one scene ruins the entire thing, and shatters the credibility of the show, enough to make me give this one an F. Figures, the one time Kate is likable as a character, something else has to go and ruin the episode.

LOST Season Five, Episode Ten: "He's Our You"

Spoiler Alert: If you haven't seen the most recent episode, stop reading.

So I'll start with the most obvious bit: that can't happen, right? But therein, I think, lies the problem with this season. The initial reaction to Sayid shooting little Ben is shock, because if Sayid kills Ben in 1977, how is Ben still around in 2007?

But as soon as you move past that, it becomes obvious that, of course, Ben is not dead. What happened, happened (according to Faraday, who is probably the only reliable narrator on the show regarding time travel). And sifting through the comments by more eagle-eyed viewers than myself at televisionwithoutpity.com, there's plenty in the show to back up that theory. So now the question is, how does Ben survive? And more importantly, if this always happened in his past...well, we've got a whole new perspective on how Oceanic 815 crashed in the first place.

All that said, though, the stint in 1977 is becoming tiring. I hope we get all of the Losties in the same time again soon so we can move toward a definitive endgame (which seems to be that war Widmore mentioned a few episodes ago). But with only a handful of episodes left in the series, its high time we start moving toward that conclusion. Because the rest of this episode? Fell pretty flat. There've been a more than a few times this season where we've had large chunks of episodes devoted to telling us things we already knew, which is frustrating. So if the time travel conceit is no longer working, it's time to leave it behind and actually answer some questions about what's happening in the present day. Hopefully we'll be at that point soon, but I have a feeling it won't happen until the season finale.

Overall, though, the show is still quite compelling. Even if this episode isn't the strongest we've seen? It's still better than just about anything else on network television.

B+

Some forthcoming business...

I should also point out that I also plan to watch Vanilla Sky again soon, being one of the only people who appreciates that movie, and I'll be posting my thoughts on that, as well. I'll also be discussing LOST on a weekly basis starting with tonight's episode.

Blade Runner

I just recently watched Blade Runner again and it more or less inspired me to remind people of how wonderful this movie really is. It is by far the smartest science fiction film I've ever seen, and one of the deepest, most thought provoking films, period. By the time you've finished watching it, the plot becomes almost secondary to the experience (because watching this movie is an experience, and nothing less). I highly recommend viewing the "Final Cut", as it's been marketed, as soon as possible. You won't regret it.

A Final Point on Watchmen

I do, however, strongly recommend purchasing (or otherwise acquiring) the Watchmen soundtrack and graphic novel. The comic speaks for itself; the soundtrack, however, is basically genius. Here's the tracklist:

1. Desolation Row - My Chemical Romance
-The real clunker, mostly because I love this song and hate this band, especially how they distilled such an epic song into a 3 minute pop travesty. Skip this one.

2. Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
-Awesome. In the film this song accompanies the murder of the Comedian, and does so beautifully.

3. The Times They Are a-Changin' - Bob Dylan
-Accompanies the opening credits and sets the tone beautifully for the film.

4. The Sound of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel
-Perfect choice for the Comedian's funeral. Evokes all the right emotions while being just tongue-in-cheek enough to make sense.

5. Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
-Who doesn't love her?

6. I'm Your Boogie Man - KC and the Sunshine Band
-Hooray for this song.

7. You're My Thrill - Billie Holliday
-I love Billie, but this song slows down the pace of the album. It's not featured heavily in the film.

8. Pruit Igoe and Prophecies - Philip Glass
-I thought this was original score when I saw the film, but it's not. In any case, it's heavily featured during Dr. Manhattan's origin, but on the album it's boring and repetitive.

9. Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen
-And we're back. This track was awesome in film and on the album.

10. All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix
-For my money, this is the centerpiece of the album, and the film. It kicks in as Rorschach and Night Owl approach Ozymandias' Antarctic retreat, and it is wonderful.

11. Ride of the Valkyries - Richard Wagner
- Included more for the nod to Apocalypse Now than through any desire to actually feature the song, but it is still a great composition.

12. Pirate Jenny
-This is apparently from the Threepenny Opera, but it didn't come with the copy I "found" for some reason.

So yeah, go listen to those songs, and find the compilation if you much (or, if you're like me, you probably have most of the songs anyway).

On spam

I get lots of spam in my e-mail, and I'm not sure how it finds me (I suspect it has something to do with TCNJ having a poor spam filter), but seriously, the last one I deleted had the subject line: "All the animals in the barn are crazy for hard cock".

Um, excuse me? Who would even want to WATCH that?

Watchmen

So my first post goes to the most anticipated movie of the year. Is Watchmen any good? It certainly wants you to think so, and in all honesty, it does a quite good job of it. There are lots of little beats and moments that are excellent in this movie. So why, when I talk about Watchmen with people, do I rattle off a whole list of things that I either liked or loved about the movie, and then end my thought by saying, I didn't think it was very good?

Because I didn't find that I enjoyed Watchmen very much, and it's not because I didn't read the novel (I have) or because I dislike serious, depressing films (quite the opposite). I didn't enjoy Watchmen because it never worked as an actual movie. The entire time I'm watching, I'm hoping there will be some narrative thread...and there just isn't. This is not a problem for the novel for two reasons: one, the novel simply has more space than a 2hr43min film, and that's to be expected. But more to the point, the novel doesn't NEED a narrative thread; due to the very nature of its medium, it can be reflective and meandering and still be good. Film does not have this luxury.

In his slavish reliance on the novel in adapting the film (mustn't upset the fanboys), Zach Snyder created the CliffsNotes for Watchmen. The movie is a clip reel of all your favorite moments of the novel, some of them translated to the screen quite well, but that's exactly the problem. Snyder and team don't ADAPT the film; they translate it, and what works on the page doesn't always work on the screen.

It's truly a shame, because what Snyder has done is prove that Watchmen is filmable, where previously it was a given that Alan Moore's novel was anything but. In a way it would have been more consolation if Snyder had utterly failed, if what we received in theatres was a jumbled, unwatchable mess. Then, at least, I could sit back and say, told you so. This couldn't be done.

Instead, I have to sit here and call this film mediocre. Because it isn't bad, and if it had been executed better? We'd have an excellent Watchmen film on our hands. But there you have it: good, not great. Snyder has taken one of the most thought provoking, contemplative, radical novels of the 20th century and turned it into a passable action film with glimmers of faux-existential philosophy.

Grade: C+