American Idol, AKA WTF, AKA Just Kidding, Of Course

I don't watch American Idol. In point of fact, I kind of hate it, only because it is so shallow and vapid and it's basically a competition where you are deciding which shelf-ready, mass-market product is better than any other product of the same variety. The show is so much more a marketing competition than any kind of talent show, it's really gross. So it was semi-refreshing, at least to me, to one see ridiculously homo Adam Lambert make it so far in this competition and actually pretty much be the favorite to win, and also to see him interviewed about making out with dudes in some pictures and being like, "yeah, I did that," mainly because we've come so far from ridiculously homo Clay Aiken simply insisting that he, in fact, liked vagina (obviously, he doesn't, but it shouldn't have taken 6 years for him to admit that).

The nice thing about Adam (and ultimately, the reason he lost, not that winning this thing matters) is that he didn't make a big deal about being gay (or whatever he is). He didn't outright say, yea, you got me, I'm gay. He basically said fuck off, it's irrelevant. Which is perfect, in so many ways, because it's absolutely right, but also, not outright denying your sexuality, while pictures of you making out with dudes are freely available and you also show up on stage every week not really making it all that ambiguous that you are at least a little gay, well, that pretty much translates to you being the gayest gay who ever gayed on American Idol, Ryan Seacrest notwithstanding. And when you are up against Kris Allen, who is simply everything America has ever loved, and is also hot and likes girls, well, that means you lose.

I would love to think that with like 5 out of 50 states (which I think is 10 percent but I've never been good at math) allowing gay marriage now, and one even through vote instead of legislation (which, also, yay progress, but that is a fucking sad statistic), with all of that I would love to think that America has changed and accepts the gays and whatever, and in a lot of ways I think it actually has. But American Idol is not and has never been a reflection of American society, at least not today's society. American Idol is not about packaging this edgy gay rocker who dresses like girls and will kiss your teenage son while he's experimenting at UCLA (which is the secret fear of all the stupid middle-aged moms who were also shrieking "ADAM YOU"RE SO HOT OMG!" at the top of their lungs every Tuesday and Wednesday night). American Idol is about taking short, adorable little Kris and putting him on the same, safe level as like, Celine Dion. In fact, that whole last episode was like a metaphorical showdown between Cyndi Lauper and Celine Dion, respectively. Both of those women sing complete rubbish pop, but Cyndi Lauper does it while dressed as a fag hag and being completely wonderful and crass, and everything else, and Celine Dion does it in Las Vegas where the same people that watch CBS can enjoy her while remaining strictly under the two drink minimum.

So it's not so much that I'm saying Kris winning was a conspiracy against the gays (quite the opposite, as Kris is some eye candy and now he'll be pseudo famous and even bisexual me has no problem with seeing his face a couple of places), because it wasn't, so much as it was Adam was never going to win this show, because he's just not what this show is about, and everyone knows it. He knew it. And again, winning is just plain not the point; the point is Adam has been the talk of the country for like half a year, and he's also on the inside cover of The Advocate, and no one gives a shit (in the good way).